Do Other Music Bloggers Get This Kind Of Mail?

"Hello:

Guinness World Record holder (for woman with the longest fingernails), The Dutchess, is breaking into the music industry. The multi-talented phenomenon has recently announced the debut of her rock single, “Phoenix" The song was released on YouTube earlier this summer and created a buzz..."

So sayeth her publicist. Which is why I couldn't go into publicity. The Python-esque results would have been something like:

The Dutchess: I want to be a singer.

Publicist: Okay. And what are your qualifications?

The Dutchess: I have the world's longest fingernails.

Publicist: I see...You know, if a record company is looking for singers, I doubt that the first thing they'll ask is, 'Does she have long fingernails?'

Her useless song features Miss ScaryNails' r'n'b vocal stylings over rock guitar. The video (which I bailed out on half-way thru) had me wondering: how does she do anything with those nails? It would be more interesting if they showed her going about her day, getting dressed, etc. Maybe I shoulda watched the whole video...

K9 FUSION

A few years ago, I was picking up one of our dogs from the groomers, and spied a display of CDs credited to K9 Fusion. The back cover said, "10 1/2 year old mixbreed, Sven the Love Dog, plays each and every instrument on his debut album. The only exception is the drums, which are played by Sven's owner Steve Brooks. Every intense vocalization is produced by Sven, or one of his canine friends...face it, this Dog's the SHIH TZU! Enhanced CD contains a video of the making of K9 Fusion. See for yourself as Sven pounds the piano, claw-picks his guitar, and gnashes his teeth on bass strings with the ferocity of Hendrix himself." Of COURSE I bought one.

The "album" is actually only 13 minutes. The drums basically hold it down, with random plunking, plucking, and growling on top, giving it a canine free-jazz feel. Some sounds have obviously been sampled and looped to make it more "musical." My fave track "Dirty Dog Love" sports a sweet funky bass groove. Obviously it's been looped, but I find it hard to believe that a dog could come up with something like this even once. Hmmm...

Song titles include: "Sing Along With Bitch," "Snot: An Interlude," and "Star Spaniel Banner." I don't think the track "Pants" has anything to do with trousers - it's 7 seconds of a dog panting.

K9 Fusion - "Who Really Loves You"

Before They Were Rap Stars

Here's a second volume of Before They Were Stars, this time putting the spotlight on the first-ever (and sometimes highly-unlikely) recordings from future hip-hop stars: A pre-annoying Black-Eyed Peas! A pre-rap Beastie Boys sounding like The Germs! Ice Cube sounding like The Beastie Boys! Chuck D sounding like Kurtis Blow! RZA and GZA from Wu Tang sounding like Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince!



Before They Were Rap Stars



1 Beastie Boys - Beastie Boys [1982]

2 Ice-T - The Coldest Rap [1982]

3 Spectrum City [aka Public Enemy] - Check Out The Radio [1984]

4 World Class Wreckin' Crew [w/Dr Dre] - Surgery [1985]

5 The C.I.A. [w/Ice Cube] - My Posse [1987]

6 Onyx - Ah And We Do It Like This [1990]

7 Prince Rakeem [aka RZA] - Ooh We Love You Rakeem [1991]

8 The Genius [aka GZA] - Those Were the Days [1991]

9 A.T.B.A.N. Klann [aka BlackEyed Peas] - Puddles Of H2O [1992]

Before They Were Stars!!

A 14-year-old Björk! Billy Joel goes heavy metal ! Tori Amos goes big hair '80s! Debbie Harry of Blondie in a '60s hippie band that should have been called "Bland-ie"! Nick Lowe rips off The Who! Neil Young and that superfreak Rick James in the same band!



It's all strange-but-true, some of it awful, some surprisingly great. Hey, you gotta start somewhere...



Before They Were Stars (A MusicForManiacs Collection)



01 Tony Sheridan [w/"The Beat Brothers": John Lennon, George Harrison, Paul McCartney] - Sweet Georgia Brown [1961]

02 Rory Storm & The Hurricanes [w/Ringo Starr] - America [1963]

03 Arthur Lee and the LAGs [pre-Love] - The Ninth Wave [1963]

04 The Primitives [Lou Reed] - The Ostrich [1964]

05 The Wailers [w/Bob Marley, Peter Tosh] - simmer down [1965]

06 Bluesology [w/Elton John] - Come Back Baby [1965]

07 Shotgun Express [w/Rod Stewart-Mick Fleetwood] - I could feel the whole world turn round [1966]

08 The Mynah Byrds [w/Neil Young, Rick James] - Go On And Cry [1966]

09 The Spiders [Alice Cooper] - Don't Blow Your Mind [1966]

10 John's Children [w/Marc Bolan] - Desdemona [1967]

11 Wind In The Willows [w/Debbie Harry] - Djini Judy [1968]

12 Flaming Youth [w/Phil Collins] - Changes [1969]

13 Attila [w/Billy Joel] - Rollin' Home [1970]

14 Fraternity [w/Bon Scott] - Jupiter's Landscape [1971]

15 Brinsley Schwarz [w/Nick Lowe] - (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace Love & Understanding [1974]

16 Kilburn & the High Roads [w/Ian Dury & some Blockheads] - Rough Kids [1974]

17 Hawkwind [w/Lemmy Kilmester] - Motorhead [1975]

18 The 101ers [w/Joe Strummer] - Letsagetabitarockin' [1975]

19 Björk - Alta Mira [1977]

20 The Nipple Erectors [w/Shane MacGowan] - So Pissed Off [1978]

21 The Coachmen [w/Thurston Moore] - Thurston's Song [1979]

22 Boys Next Door [Nick Cave & the Birthday Party] - Dive Position [1979]

23 Bruce Woolley And The Camera Club [w/Thomas Dolby, The Buggles] - Video Killed The Radio Star [1979]

24 Material [w/Whitney Houston] - Memories [1982]

25 Y Kant Tori Read [w/Tori Amos] - The Big Picture [1988]

THE VILLAGE PEOPLE OF THE PHILIPPINES

Sometimes even I wonder why I so obsessively write this blog, week in and week out, year in and year out. I'll tell ya why: it's because of albums like this. The universe (or at least the recorded music of planet Earth section of it) continues to astound and delight me, and I just have to spread the word.

Yes Virginia, there really was a 1979 album by a group of Philippino men singing and acting like the Village People. Sung mostly in Tagalog, it features sumptuous full-on orchestrated disco music, a buncha guys in various uniforms singing in unison, campy humor, and non-stop party-time energy. The first song at six minutes long had me a bit fatigued and I was wondering if I should bother with the rest of it, but I did and I'm glad. The fact that a record this ridiculous even exists makes the world a happier place.

Hagibis "Katawan"

The song "Legs" seems to feature vocals from Donald Duck. And dig that poppin' bass on "Nanggigigil."

VINYL-PALOOZA #9: The Wisdom of Solomon

In 1989, Solomon Solo, a native of Ghana, Africa now living in Los Angeles, spent what must have been a big chunk of change to hire a large crew of slick session musicians for his vanity album "The Wisdom of Solomon." He did not, however, hire any singers. And that's what lifts this album from competent-but-uninteresting private press release to outsider gold. All the songs are Solo's originals, a blend of American-style r'n'b with some African influences, and if anyone else sang 'em, even with Solo's idiosyncratic lyrics, they still probably would have been fairly ordinary.

The opening track is harmless enough, but then we get the songs that feature Solo's high, thin-to-screechy and

frequently off-pitch singing that is nevertheless full of sincerity and passion - he means these songs. And some of the songwriting actually is catchy - the title song has a pretty interesting West African feel to it, and I get "White Doves of Seville" (my favorite track) stuck in my head for days, even if Solos' voice causes me to occasionally wince.

The Wisdom of Solomon

And I like his quote on the back cover: "To understand proverbs and parables is to have wisdom and understanding." So...to have understanding is to have understanding..?